When it comes to my creativity, I am my own worst enemy.
I have no problem creating. I have no problem writing. I have no problem submitting stories. It’s when all these things huddle together and multiply in my crowded little mind that I have the problem.
At first glance, I come off as a hippie, a free spirit, and I suppose I carry that through in my writing life. I’m in no way structured or disciplined when it comes to beginning and completing a project. I write on a whim. Producing a story may take me an hour and a half or it may take four months, depending on which way the wind blows. I’ve always been that way.
Even when I’m writing in my notebooks. I start in the middle of the page and scribble all along the sides. I skip a page and write a scene on the back of another. I think of the ending and go ahead and write that. Then I realize what I want the title to be. And no one is more frustrated by this than me because I fear it’s what’s held me back all these years from being able to freelance full time.
I literally don’t have the head for it. I am the epitome of ADD. Yet, when I’m in my zone, I’m in there, but when I’m not, I’m not, and unfortunately, I’ve suffered for it. I’ve missed deadlines and let editors down all because I don’t know how to not bounce from one project to another, do one thing at time, finish this, then start that.
That being said. I’ve managed to get myself published many times over and gain a (small?) following. And though I still must work a 9 to 5 to well, eat and stuff, I get to write and escape this life at will. I get to hold on to the hope that one day…
At the end of this week, I’ll be thirty-five.
I’ve been blogging since 2003, around the same time I was first published as an author of erotic fiction. There you are; you do the math. My original blog is/was here, but due to formatting issues/frustrations, and the fact that I’m just too damn old, tired and fed up to deal with it, I’ve decided to change things up a bit. So, here I am!
For the life of me I can’t recall whether it was in Stephen King’s On Writing or Anne Lammott’s Bird by Bird (both equally fine books on writing, by the way) where I read the phrase, “kill your little darlings.” It referred to editing your work, and getting rid of unnecessary words, more specifically, those lovelies, the ones you hold near and dear to your heart.I received a set of line edits last night and it got me to thinking about the first ones I ever received as a professional writer. I nearly fainted when I saw page after page of almost complete red. This editor was asking me to eliminate nearly every beautiful word I had written. What would be left afterward if I did this? Like the amateur that I was, I debated and went back and forth with her about what should and shouldn’t stay in and why my little darlings were absolutely pertinent to the story. Lucky for me, the editor was patient enough to take the time to explain why she did what she had done, and I was open enough to follow her advise and edit my story properly. So, I picked myself up off the floor and killed my little darlings, and the result was a tight and finely crafted story.Editing my work got easier over time, and now, I don’t even think about it. As a matter of fact, it’s rare that I even get line edits back after I’ve had work accepted because I tend to kill my own little darlings off the top, but when I do, I just do it because, well, darlings or not, they were slowing the story down.Back to the slaughter house…
My last post didn’t format correctly because I originally typed it in a Word document and pasted it here and was too lazy to keep trying to correct it. So, oh well. I’ve also been too tied up with life troubles which included a suck ass unexpected diagnosis of Lyme Disease that had me down for a month to update with any real regularity. There were days I couldn’t even account for. I couldn’t move, could barely see and would scream from the pain in my back, neck, limbs and head. This went on for two weeks and after numerous hospital visits before I was properly diagnosed by my family physician. Lyme disease. It was shocking to say the lease because the area in which I live, though wooded and rural, is one of the rarest for the desease. However, my symptoms screamed it, and my test results were “grossly positive.” He treated me with an agressive round of antibiotics for a month and eventually the pains subsided, my vision straightened up and I returned to work. However, I take several meds for lingering joint pains and to prevent the return of other symptoms and I suffer with pain in my hands and feet on a daily basis. Sigh. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid by not blogging. This complaining shit. But now that we have that out of the way. I’ve been more productive in my writing life than ever before. I’ve recently received my contributor’s copies to Curvy Girls, Going Down and Sapphic Planet and I’m expecting Suite Encounters any day now. I recently got word that my story Lessons for Leona made the final cut for Best Lesbian Erotica 2013 and in August of this year, Chocolate Flava 3 will be released which contains my story, Choices. I’m also writing for the new Mischief line base in the UK which recently released the e-anthology, Across My Knee, containing my story, Music Morris Made and I’ve had my story, Having His Cake accepted for their Too Fast For Love: Opportunistic Encounters anthology as well. I’m beyond excited. I’m writing pretty much on a daily basis now, which is a far cry from what I was doing before (remember that year I didn’t write a damn thing?!). So, for those who have been lurking and popping and wondering about me, yes I’m here and yes, I’m still writing, writing away.