Full Circle

On Saturday morning I woke up to an email regarding my project in the works, the anthology. It was from an author whose work I’ve been reading since high school, yes high school (and I’m no spring chicken). He was rather excited about the project (I had sent him a private call for submissions) and he actually had some inside information about it that I hadn’t leaked which leads me to believe that the Press themselves might have approached him regarding it as well.

This same author – and I’ll say it again, I’m in awe of him – included a story of mine in his anthology, which for me was big enough – but if this project actually comes to fruition and my name is on the cover and his is in the table of contents… I don’t know what I’ll do.

That’s actually how it’s been going this past week, me hearing from authors I’ve admired for years expressing such excitement about MY project… MINE… little ole ME!!!??

I’ve been so happy this last week and feeling so completely lucky and blessed. I can’t wipe the smile from my face. I’m getting responses that I never imagined… who knew???

And this morning, I received my very first submission for the project, and just skimming the story I can tell it’s a winner and if it’s a sign of what’s to come…

OMG. This is going to be big, oh so big.

The Love

One writer recently posted how writing is hard and lonely, and it can be. It can also be a cut throat and a cold, cold world. I will be the first to admit that it’s not for the faint of hearts.

I, myself, can be quite sensitive.

I started down this path 10+ years ago. I remember I wrote one story and I submitted it EVERYWHERE, it didn’t matter what the call was for. I was a rookie; I didn’t know anything about doing my research first.

For that reason alone, things could have gone very bad for me, however, I continually stumbled upon people who extended their hands and guided me in the right direction. I don’t know what it was about me and my writing that made them want to take the time to lead me down the right path. I want to think it was promise and potential. I want to think it was raw talent hidden behind a few rookie mistakes. So many people didn’t know that their words were the difference between stop and go for me.

I feel forever fortunate that I was one of the lucky ones, one of the ones who received encouraging rejections in the beginning, who received “no, but (insert feedback here)” instead of simply no, leaving me to ponder and eventually come to the conclusion that I suck as a writer.

Last summer, I decided I wanted to finally attempt to edit my own anthology of short erotic fiction. I got my proposal together, drafted a Call for Submissions and queried with a publishing company. Months passed and I heard nothing from the publisher, but I received a few submissions from some very well known authors in the genre. After sufficient time had passed, I got back in touch with the publisher letting them know that I had these writers on board and they got back to me letting me know that my theme wasn’t a very marketable one at that time.

And that could have been a blow for me, could have made me throw in my hat and decide to stick to the writing, however, this particular editor encouraged me to query with more ideas, which I did, and she grabbed onto one.

I drafted another proposal and call for submissions and submitted it, and roughly a week later I got the response that my proposal looked “good and marketable” and would be added to the list for discussion.

Still there was the task of letting the other authors know that the other anthology would be a no-go, at least for now. I sent those emails out yesterday, and today, the very first response I read said:

Your anthology idea should have been grabbed. You have a great theme,
accessible and fun, and I feel sure that if it has been passed over
it’s a sign of the downturn in the market and no more.

And it was from one of the “well-knowns” that I mentioned.

It made me cry.

I also received a couple of positive responses from other for my new call. So that’s where I am right now. And I know I’m risking sounding dramatic, but I just feel so… honored, so full of emotion right now…

I’m just feeling the love all over the place.

Out of my hands.

Well, I did all I could do to the proposal and fired it off to the editor. I equate it to those words you blurt out and can never take back… it’s out there now. All in all I think it’s a pretty solid package and I honestly believe the project could do well if it’s picked up, but it’s up to my words to do the convincing right now, so…

Now for the waiting, which we all know I’m very good at. I was never good at relinquishing control. I don’t like the feeling of being suspended in mid air, waiting for the roller coaster to suddenly drop. I just don’t like that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I suppose that’s the reason I don’t take as many risks in my writing career as I could and probably should. It’s so hard to confront the unknown. You’d think that after ten + years, I’d be better at this thing but I’m still that vulnerable writer who sent off her first story and kept her eyes closed until she got an answer.

I’ve resolved to busy myself with other things… another proposal, a book review, some fiction and non-fiction. Hopefully that will tide me over.

We’ll see.

In like the winds…

I hadn’t spent much time dwelling on the significance of March until I awakened this morning and it was here. It was chilly and damp after a night of hard, sexy rain and I had slept with my bedroom windows open.

A break from the norm as of late, I hopped out of bed with a bit of energy, breezed through the morning routine, dropped the boy off at school and drove to work reflecting on the oddness of the sky. Half was still a black cloud and the other half the promise of a lovely Spring day.

I snapped a picture.

It was about an hour later that I remembered that this is the month I am set to resubmit a proposal for an erotic anthology, as this particular publishing house will begin looking at proposals again. My last few exchanges with one of the editors were very promising and I had begun working on the proposal a while ago. And with a gust, my excitement about the project returned.

It was a welcome feeling after weeks of feeling absolutely no umph creatively, feeling like it didn’t matter if I ever picked up a pen again, but just like that, here I am, ready, excited, ready to open those files and… do something.

I’ve revamped the CV, changed up the call for submissions and I’m ready to go. I’m trying not to think too much on current irons in the fire and just be patient and occupy my time and my mind with things that will nurture my creativity, not stall it.

Yeah, good luck to me with that.