On Life and The Fast Lane

And just like that, it’s been four and a half months since I’ve blogged.

I could follow that up with the usual. How I’ve been busy, in pain, depressed, etc. but the fact remains…it’s been four and a half months since I’ve blogged.

I remain amazed and in awe that during my period of silence here and barely tweeting, “Can’t Get Enough” continues to do well, people continue to follow me on Twitter and Instagram and I still have some faithful followers of this tired, old blog.

To detail the happenings of these past months would take a long, drawn out post that I don’t want to write and I’m sure you don’t want to read. But, to be as brief as possible, I started an intense weight-loss and work-out regimine that required all of my attention (apparently) and as a result I lost nearly 50 pounds.

I also went blonde.I re-entered the work force, temping at a warehouse for a couple of months before the contract ended, and now I’m basically back where I started. Except, I now have the first draft of a novel thanks to NaNoWriMo. Yes, I participated in and completed National Novel Writing Month. I began rewrites on my WIP, but quickly became…unmotivated. So, there’s that.

Otherwise, I’m existing and trying to find ways to be more present, both here, and in life. My birthday is approaching, so it’s getting pretty dark over here.

Accountability

When I sort of accidentally began this journey, accountability was a big thing for me. I talked about it. Owned it. Showed it. Through daily full body Instagram photos, I am holding myself accountable to myself and to (I’d like to think) the world for my fitness and health, whether I do or don’t meet my goals for that day, week or whatever.

Just recently, I’ve begun adding food pics to the mix, which I had been doing from time to time before, but that’s when I was flaky about it all and could easily have had a salad for lunch and fried chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner. You’d see the pretty picture of the salad, but you wouldn’t see and I wouldn’t speak of the fried chicken.

I guess it’s like the proverbial tree in the forest. If I eat it and no one’s around to witness it, does that mean it didn’t happen? Well, I knew that couldn’t last because even if I didn’t post pictures of every meal, I repeat, I post full body shots of myself every single day, so you would know something went awry, somewhere. I wouldn’t be telling the truth. I wouldn’t be telling my truth. And there are many parts to my truth.

The truth is, if this were five days ago, I’d have either a vodka cranberry or a glass of wine in my hand. And if I’m going to tell the truth, five days ago, I DID have a vodka cranberry in my hand, and followed it up with several more. And let’s just throw a couple of shots of tequila in there for sport, because that happened, too.

Also, a hangover happened, and though I’ve posted a vicious hangover selfie on Instagram, I made sure I got myself together before I posted my daily shot, and I still went walking/jogging.

I haven’t had a drink since Sunday and that’s in part because I’ve been thinking a lot about this accountability thing and also because a friend challenged me to a strict seven day fitness thingy that doesn’t allow for alcohol.

It’s been easy. Unbelievably easy until today, when my day wasn’t so good, when my relationship isn’t glowing that perfect glow, when I’m so annoyed/pissed/mad/sad that I just want to numb myself with a vodka neat or a whole bottle of wine. And yes, I can take down a whole bottle…and a half.

So, far I’m resisting. Sipping iced water and channeling this negative energy into new words and promoting Can’t Get Enough. And I think I’m able to resist mostly out of stubbornness and a small part of me thinks it may be an around about attempt at sabotage because my husband of course lives with me, knows my habits, my weaknesses and unfortunately, my triggers.

It’s good to get that off my chest. I’ll let  you know how it turns out tomorrow. Honestly.

Walking and Writing

So, something happened. Not that thing discussed in extensive detail right below this post, but another thing, or to be more accurate, things.

I started walking again. Now, for those of you who don’t get here often, I haven’t been wheelchair bound or anything of the sort. But, due to an ankle fracture, broken bone in my foot and the general shitty-ness of Lyme disease, my afore established exercise regimen came to a screeching halt. That was four months ago.

I hadn’t made any solid plans to start up again, but on Wednesday when I decided to walk the dog (about ten minutes, three to four times a day) my husband decided to join me and make it a joint exercise effort. I was game, but I didn’t think we’d go as far as we did.

We wound up walking over three miles. It was midday, so it was pretty hot and it took us just over an hour. The dog wasn’t too happy about it, though. I, however, felt fantastic and decided that that day would be my Day 1.

Day 1 of how many you may ask? Well, I don’t have the answer, yet. I don’t want to jinx myself or set myself up for failure by setting hard goals, but what I have done is made myself accountable to my Instragram account, where every morning, before I do whatever workout I’m going to do (right now it’s walking) I post a picture of myself. And I’m talking full body shots. Nothing from the face up with clever angling that makes me look cuter and thinner.

This is the true definition of no filter. It is what it is. Take me as I am, and how I will be, at Day whatever.

Also, I’ve been at the writing table actually writing for the past three days, averaging 1100 or so words a day. It’s chapters for a novel I plan to pitch and it’s going just swell.

Now, I generally link to Facebook and Twitter when I post my daily picture, but if I forget, am in a hurry, or my mind is cloudy as usual, feel free to follow my Instagram account (@therealtenille) and watch my journey, day by day. And oh, cheer me on! Call me out! Keep me accountable!

Let’s do this.

Whatever It Takes

I’ve already harped on Twitter about my 1k+ word count accomplishment today. To my fellow, more dedicated writer friends, this probably sounds like nothing, but for me who has been creatively mute for the past month or so, this is wonderful.

Of course, the burst of creative energy came from a huge bout of stress I’m dealing with, but fortunately, this is an awesome outlet for me. I subbed a story last week; I have another near completion, and I’m having tons of fun working on yet another (with sex injuries, yay!).

I’ve also added two-mile walks to the mix which also help.

Hell, anything is better than punching a wall (or a face), I guess.

Be About It

Do you believe in jinxes?  Wellll, I hope you do…

Part one of my quiet spell here on the blog was blamed on writer’s block.  I went through it for (what I believed to be) an unreasonable amount of time and it affected me in ways I couldn’t even express.  Anyway, that’s neither here nor there now that the writing’s picked back up again (yay!) and lots of people don’t even believe in writer’s block and that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

Part two of my quiet spell is because I’m withholding information.  And actually, that might not be completely accurate.  I don’t have any real information to share but there have been some things going on that I didn’t initiate and wasn’t expecting that have made me over the moon happy and excited but by no means have no guarantees or promises attached to them and could very well lead to more of the same crap I’ve experienced in the past ie. the big set up for the big let down, so I’m not saying a word about it.  Hence the jinx thing.

I’m also quiet because of fear.  And because of progress.  I’ve been writing a lot.  I’ve stopped reporting word counts and what I’m working on for fear it will halt like the last time I ran my big ass mouth (what ever happened to that novel in progress, anyway?).

There you have it.  I’m not falling off.  Unless you count the pounds.  They say I look like a little girl. 🙂

Bitchin’ Boots and Nice News

After a big ole boot debate with my cousin last night (who insisted that prissy me couldn’t possible own a pair of Timberland boots), I had to pull mine out of my closet and show her.  They’re at least five years old and after every winter I tussle with throwing them away thinking they may be going out of style.  But I keep holding on year after year because, well, they’re cute and they’re comfortable.

When I showed her the shoe, she bent over laughing because it had a heel not unlike my other boots.  I had to actually show her the little etching on the side to prove that, yes, I do wear Timberlands, heel or no heel.

Anyway, I had a point to this story…oh…boots!

Two to three weeks ago I received a pair of knee-high wedge heeled boots in the mail that I couldn’t comfortable zip up over my calf (that’s the first time I said that out loud).  This morning, on a whim, I decided to try them on and they zipped right up.  No struggle, no assistance.

(Mumble, mumble) pounds down now, though I honestly don’t intend this to be a weight loss blog. Skinny jeans with my Tims tonight.

But – the other good news came in my inbox.  Four of seven of my super short-shorts are accepted, barring being cut by the publisher.  I need that.

Anyone know why one ass cheek would be sore and not the other?!

The Snap Trap

Apparently, my ears never tire of hearing the most jaw-dropping, eye-bugging, just…out there things, because as I was working away on the elliptical, my favorite reader and friend said to me:

“Your legs are getting really strong.”

To which I responded: “Thanks, but strong legs aren’t really what I’m going for.”

And she said, head cocked, confused: “What, no snap trap?”

Me: “No, no snap trap.”

She: “Girl, I’ve had somebody trying to get caught in the trap all day!”

Sixteen pounds down, though I’m trying not to be number obsessed.  My body tells the true story.  I’m getting these curls straightened today (temporarily!) and hopefully that won’t deter me from working out.

I printed out that fucking story that just won’t finish itself no matter how much I tell it to for the umpteenth time and we’ll see how that pans out.

And..well, that’s all.

Weight A Minute

While I’ve been basically quiet, and not writing much, and feeling, if not saying, pretty blah about life and such, I’ve been doing something else – working on my weight.

Body image is probably the one thing I don’t run my mouth about on this blog and that could be because, in all honesty, though I am overweight and do have health issues relating to being at an unhealthy weight (like hypertension and type 2 diabetes), I don’t feel self-conscious about it.  I hardly ever feel un-sexy.  I sleep naked often.  I dress sexy when the clothes fit ;). And I’m not morbidly obese, just too big for my small frame, and I’m living with another health issue that my larger size doesn’t help – lyme disease.

I didn’t intentially go on a diet, and the easiest way to explain it is that I realized that I consumed three steaks in two weeks and saw how sluggish I was and knew that I needed to detox.  So, for a few days I went with veggies, fruit and water.  I started light, low-impact excercise and began seeing results.

My joints feel better, I’m sleeping better, I feel happier and I’m not craving the bad stuff.  Now, if only I could flip the creativity switch back on.  I really don’t know what’s up with that…