Tag Archive | money

Boundaries

I’ve been out of sorts lately, which really seems and sounds weird because I’m out of sorts most of the time.  It’s been more so, though, over the past few days because I have unresolved feelings about a home life situation. 

It’s had me thinking a lot about boundaries and respect and, really, proper protocol as it pertains to certain situation.  My husband, and apparently a handful of other people, don’t share my views on boundaries, respect and proper behavior, and lately I’ve been wondering if I’m in the minority with my opinions, or if this simply is the type of people I’ve gotten involved with, been spending my time around.

There are not many people in my life that I consider friends, therefore, there aren’t many people in my life besides family.  I have my oldest friend whom I’ve known for over twenty years, another friend I’ve known for almost as long, but who I feel closer to because we’re like minded in a lot of ways.  There is also a woman who is older than me whom I feel I can talk to about anything, who doesn’t have a judgmental bone in her body, and whom, over the years I’ve found to have had similar experiences as me, therefore she can shed light on a lot of the things I present her with in conversation or play devil’s advocate, back up what I’m saying, or whatever the situation calls for.

I’ve said all that to say, I don’t have male friends.  I’m friendly with male co-workers, but I couldn’t tick one off that I’d ask marital/man advice from, or ask for anything more than a dime to complete my fifty cents for a soda.  I used to have male friends.  Some of my closest friends were male.  This came to a halt when I got into a serious relationship.  Most of it was that it seemed inappropriate to me, being that these men weren’t friends/friendly with my significant other, and part of it was that I was involved with someone with insecurity, trust and jealously issues.

My spouse has a female friend who is friendly with me, who we invite to our home and both talk to.  However, when, if she needs something, it seems that he is her “go to” person.  And when I say “go to,” I mean she goes directly to him.  Even if she’s seen and talked to me all day.  She has borrowed money from “him” and most recently, needed to borrow a vehicle from “him.”  Forget all about the fact that it’s the family’s money and it’s the family’s vehicle.  I mean, who am I supposed to be…the barefoot housewife who cooks, cleans and doesn’t dare handle any of the household affairs?  That’s her life, not mine.

It seem(ed) all sorts of inappropriate to me, but being that we obviously have different views on this subject, he doesn’t see it that way.  The thing that bothers me is not that she needs/wants these things, but that she is married, and he is married, and she doesn’t feel it necessary to address me or at least address me first.  I joke with my spouse that he’s her other husband and she’s his other wife, when actually, I want these inappropriate behaviors to cease.

I can’t imagine any situation where I would feel the need to ask for something from another man who is not my relative, and especially a married one, even if he is a relative.  It would feel disrespectful to my marriage, and I would feel like I was disregarding my spouse.  So, there it is isn’t it?  I feel disrespected and disregarded, but more than that appauled and alarmed that she doesn’t know the protocol when asking a favor from a FAMILY.  But, I’m realizing the more I think about it, that it may be more her issue than mine.  People only do what they know to do.

But that’s just me.  And I may very well be in the minority, but it’s the way I feel.  I, of course, will be weaving this into a story somehow. Probably something BDSM-y where someone gets punished.  You know, resolution and way I can get it.

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Who, Me?

I’ve just been working my way through editing a story, approving other final edits and, in general, fretting about life and stuff.

Some payments for some stories written a while back have trickled in, which got me to thinking about writing and money and I started putting together a blog post for it, which isn’t quite ready.

But, it let me know I need to tie up loose ends and get going on new projects so that I can have more things in the que.

Rainy today.  I’d rather be in bed.

Money, Honey

I’ve been wanting for a long time to blog about marriage and money, or relationships and money.  However, I wanted to take my time and think it through and carefully write it out.  I don’t know that it will ever happen that way though.  In true character, I think it may just come out a spontaneous out-of-nowhere no making much sense at all post that comes from something that happens in my own life.

Take last night for instance.  It was one of the very few times my husband ever made me feel bad about the financial dynamics in our marriage.  Though I am the one who manages the money, he is the one who makes (most of) it.  For the past nearly two years, it’s been the elephant in the room.  He makes significantly more than me.  We once worked at the same place making piss poor money and my paycheck at one time was actually more than his.

Then he got a new job making a lot more and he assured me that in a few years I could stop working altogether.  He had never been the type to make me feel bad about not earning as much or the fact that my children’s bio dad pays zero dollars in support, but when we argued last night about something having nothing to do with money, he made it blatantly known that he didn’t need me, that I had never done anything for him, that he makes money, that the savings account we have is technically his because he is the one who contributes to it and that today I should I get myself a checking and savings account.

So, what did I do?  I cut up my debit card to our joint account right in front of his face because I’m always up for a challenge and then I cried.

What he said wasn’t true, not completely.  I don’t contribute to our savings because I can’t.  My paycheck pays bills.  And when he wasn’t making significant amounts of money, my paycheck was getting his ass out of debt that he accumulated with his ex fucking wife.  Oops, did I say that? Oh, I think I did.

So, no, this isn’t the money and relationship post that I dreamed it would be.  That will come later.  I just had to get it off my chest while I plan my next move.  Mama always said you should have a stash.

Always, always listen to mama.