Tag Archive | life

Every Day I’m Thankful…

…for my children, husband, dog, turtle, extended family (even the ones who get on my nerves) and friends I’ve met in the craziest ways (I met one of my besties via Twitter over a year ago) and editors who continue to publish me and even take the time to mentor and encourage me and readers who like my stuff enough to reach out and even those who read and enjoy my stories and I never know anything about it.

But…I’ve got a feeling that today, I’m supposed to be especially mushy about it 😉 so…

I am especially thankful this year and on this day for two children, who I struggled even at my young age to conceive and to carry, who continue to thrive despite numerous challenges, a daughter who, even with ASD, asks for hug after hug and kiss after kiss and comes into my room to tell me she loves me about one hundred times a day.  I am especially thankful for a son who is standing next to me right now reading from a Batman Comic Book after having not spoken a word until he was two years old.

I am thankful for a family physician who, after numerous hospital and specialist visits, had the experience and foresight to test me for Lyme Disease when he out of everyone else recognized the symptoms, when I was ready to just shoot myself to end the misery.  And on that note, I am thankfuly for a boss who left work to come and take me on one of those hospital trips.

I am thankful for a mom to argue with but also have beers and laugh with, a husband who knows and excepts all my flaws.  I am eternally thankful for the ability to continue to do what I love after all these years.

I am certainly thankful for the opportunity to edit my first anthology and to keep coming up with new ideas.

I am thankful, I am, everyday, and always.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love, Tenille


When No Is Necessary

I don’t know when I learned to spoil folks or to give too much of myself or give too freely. It might have been when I got married – the first time or the second- or when I became a mother… But I noticed that suddenly it was a part of me and I couldn’t snatch it back.  I was a “yes” person.  It was what was expected of me it seemed, and I was afraid of what would happen if I ever said no to someone or something.

The world would implode.  People would stop loving me.  They would be disappointed.

Whatever the end result was, I didn’t want to know. It was easier to simply adjust my schedule and inconvenience myself, than to risk disappointing others.

Though I rarely said no to other people, I, however, often and easily took no for an answer myself.

But I soon realized that something just wasn’t adding up.

It occurred to me one Sunday when I was cooking a fairly large dinner.  Someone wanted me to stop what I was doing to do something for them that would take up an hour of my time when they were perfectly capable of doing the task themselves.  It didn’t matter that I was busy or that I was tired.  And I realized that these things had never mattered because I always just did it.

But on this particular day and at this particular time, I decided not to.

I said no.  And then I waited… for the world to implode, for this person to stop loving me, for them to be disappointed.  But it didn’t, and they didn’t, and they weren’t.

They just did it their damned self.

And it all worked out fine.

All it took was one simple no.

I had to tell myself that sometimes I have to say no, even when it hurts, because believe me, as it turns out, it doesn’t hurt them much at all. They mostly just deal, as I will learn to, too…eventually.

What You See..

I hadn’t planned for a blog post, but I kind of didn’t want the one below to be the first and last thing people see when they come here. And guess what I just recently found out? People come here! So, I felt sort of like, if I die today, would this be the outfit I’d want people to find me in?

Then I thought that was interesting in it’s own respect because you can’t always do that, and despite some of the most wonderful, flattering, humbling compliments I’ve received, that, what you’ve seen in sporadic posts on this here blog, is me a lot of the time – a pretty fucked up being barely stitching it together.  Personally I don’t think I have it together, I think I keep it together, and that’s only because I have to.  Believe me, though, I lose my shit sometimes.

When someone told me recently that I seem to really have it together, I almost fell off the bed because most times I feel the exact opposite. Then I wondered if I was presenting some sort of fraud which I hope isn’t the case because I try so hard to keep it…taps chin…100.

In any case, I wanted to take a minute to send out a little shout to my readers, friends, followers. I see you. And I thank you. And I’ll be back to my fool self in a bit cause, hey, that’s me, too.