Ultimately, I’m simply a girl on a quest. And what I’m trying to discover, what I’m always working to uncover is this:
Why do I need what I need? Why do I want what I want?
I ask those questions every day.
—From the Intro of Dark Secret Love
We’re taught to want certain things. Clean clothes. (Just watch the commercials. Clean clothes are apparently essential for a happy life.) A dishwasher full of sparkling wine glasses. A big mug of coffee early in the morning. Particularly if you live on a farm.
The world wants us to want certain things.
And I never did. (Okay, I want the coffee—but not the farm.) I always felt as if I ought to want what the rest of the world seemed to want, or as if I might someday, if Mr. Right came along. If the right situation presented itself. Suddenly, I’d understand what the other girls were talking about. I’d go on a date with a perfectly nice man, lean in for a kiss, and feel flickers of desire working through my body.
But honestly, I either was faking—or playing make-believe. You can blend in for a long time…and then one day you realize you’ve become a shell. Fragile. Delicate. Easily broken.
The world wants you to want the handsome man with the bouquet of red roses who takes you to dinner and a movie. The world wants you to giggle and titter and blush when he kisses you on the doorstep as moths beat their wings around your safety light. Nothing out there tells you that it’s okay if what you really want is for him to put down a twenty at the bar, take you out back in the alley and tell you to drop your trousers and assume the position.
What was that?
That’s not in the script they hand you when you become an adult. That doesn’t account for the picket fence and the whitewashed Colonial and the Volvo…
What if what you want is for a man to press up against you, push you into the bricks and says, “Count them off for me. Twenty. Mean. Blows. You’re going to feel these, I assure you.”
What if the whisper of his belt pulling free from the loops of his slacks makes you wetter than any sparkling glass on the planet?
We’re taught to want certain things.
Dark Secret Love is about what happens to a girl who wants something else.
Alison Tyler is the author of 25 erotic novels, including the soon-to-be-published The Delicious Torment (Cleis Press). She has written a handful of novellas including Tied Up & Twisted (Harlequin), Those Girls (Go Deeper Press), and Banging Rebecca (Pretty Things Press). Visit her at alisontyler.blogspot.com where she promises never to have a cover charge.