We had a good run of it, almost a month in now. Straight A’s, no discipline reports, not needing to correct and scold at home as much.
It’s the new school, I said. The changing of classes, different teachers. She’s doing her “big girl” thing. Having lived this life for as long as I have, I should have known not to get too comfortable, not to think that things would eventually slip back to where they used to be, right when I wasn’t expecting it, just as soon as I turned my head slightly in the other direction.
It starts with the disorganization, paper everywhere…which one is your homework? Did you have homework? Did you do it? And then the lies, I already did my homework or I didn’t have any or She said we don’t have to do that. And I’m too optimistic and high on how well everything’s going to check behind her or confirm her story.
A’s have turned to B’s which aren’t, by far, the end of the world, but I know enough to know that this very well could be the beginning of a slide downhill. The reading is getting harder, she tells me (though she is a top reader) and I couldn’t remember the story.
She is my child and I want to believe everything she says even when the evidence to prove otherwise stares me directly in the face. She is my child and I want this year to stay the way it is, I want to keep believing that she is improving and we will leave this thing behind us.
But…she still has a shadow in place for a reason. I get up at five to give her her meds every morning for a reason. That look in her eyes she sometimes gets is there for a reason.
She has autism. It’s not always the worst. It’s not always that bad. But it’s always there, lurking, waiting. It’s just good at pulling random disappearing acts, then reappearing from the dark.