Affairs of the Heart

Over the past two weeks, I’ve experienced a series of events that were at once devastating and surreal. I was so overwhelmed by everything that was happening around me (a horrible twister of bad luck, it seemed) that I could hardly talk about it, let alone put my thoughts and feelings into some semblance of a blog post.

However, if I wish to remain true to myself and to those who watch and root for me from afar, I really need to get this thing in perspective. So, grab your coffee and get comfortable. Here goes:

On the day before my birthday, my husband I split up.

We have/had our issues, but it was no major thing that contributed to the spontaneous combustion of our relationship. (Lack of) communication played a huge part, as I always knew that, eventually, it would. It was also our inability to resolve issues, simple or no, without becoming overly emotional and throwing up our hands.

And I can admit it now, we both threw up our hands.

He said he was leaving, and I didn’t ask him to stay, nor come back.

In my eyes, he had abandoned me.

My emotions ranged from relief to hurt to disappointment to grief. My marriage was over, my children’s father figure was gone and I was turning 34 and alone again.

I drank heavily every day. I didn’t sleep at night. I drifted aimlessly through my work days.

I contacted him and picked a fight.

And then, a few days later, I found myself being a part of a small town scandal that portrayed me as a modern day Marilyn Monroe.

It was crazy the way it happened. I ran into an old friend and we exchanged numbers. I didn’t give it a second thought til the next morning when his (WIFE!!!!) had called, FB’d me, found a way to contact my estranged husband and tell him that I broke up her marriage.

Of course, this broke his heart which led him to state that he wanted an immediate divorce, closure and the like.

I was torn up about it myself at first, until it all became so ridiculous that it couldn’t be anything more than humorous to me.

I broke up a marriage? Me?! Sorry, I don’t possess that type of power, and I will not own it.

I didn’t hear from my husband for a few days until he emailed me late one night. We debated via email for a couple of hours until I apparently said something that made him feel “so small” that he couldn’t say another word.

Unbeknownst to me, because I’m not a chaser, he changed his number.

I saw him at a club a few nights later. It was intentional, I’ll admit, and it broke him down.

He seemed to forget everything he was convinced I was and remembered who I had been.

Guess who’s all in Loveland now?

Guess who’s all talky-talky and attentive these days?

He wants to move away.

So do I.

We talked about doing it together later in the year.

But for now, I’m ringless.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s