Project Purpose

After the attack of the 6,000 word story last week, I found I needed a hiatus – from writing, from blogging, from brainstorming ideas. I was just really worn out and distraught over devoting all that time and energy to Girl Talk to just have it sit. Even though I do like the story and its characters and feel it may be headed somewhere at some point, I was disappointed that I couldn’t send it where it was intended at that particular time. In short, I felt like all that work was for nothing.

And then I had to check myself. Even if I couldn’t submit that story, even it I never submit it anywhere, was there no purpose in my writing it? Did I not get anything out of it? Did it not fulfill me in some way? Even after feeling so beat down over the whole thing, I still have to say the work was not in vain, and I’d like to think that nothing I write ever is. Even if the result is nothing but a lesson for myself, a practice run at something bigger and better, there is a reason.

So, at some point I will revisit Girl Talk, maybe make a tiny little book out of it and stick it in some friends’ gift bags this holiday. But for now, I’ve made my peace with it.

I received my contract and money for Bend (to be featured in Naughty Spanking Stories From A To Z) over the weekend, so that was nice. I used it to get my hair done, and boy was I displeased with the results. I asked for a haircut and she barely even trimmed it. Then she made it extra curly and after I left I kept combing and brushing it so the next day it resembled something Farrah Fawcett wore on Charlie’s Angels – which I have to admit I kind of liked.

But I digress. Submitting to this anthology was a great experience for me. The work just seemed to come together so effortlessly, but of course I’ve only seen it through the eyes of one writer, who knows what poor Rachel went through to bring this project to fruition. But from my end, it was one of the best experiences I’ve had with an editor and I think Bend is going to be one of my favorites.

The children have been sick. So, there was some time spent at the doctor’s office and at home on the couch soothing cranky babies. She was well enough to go to daycare yesterday but I stayed home with him. We took a nice, long nap and watched lots of Sesame Street.

I don’t know when I’ll feel up to resuming the writing. I still want to finish the Trinidad story, but otherwise, I’m not feeling pressed to submit to everything I find. I get burned out too easily that way and the work feels forced. And if there’s one thing I never want to do, it’s force out a story that I’ll end up not even liking when it’s all said and done.

So, I’m back, somewhat rested and rejuvenated and ready to take on whatever’s next.


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